Tag Archives: Jesus

Returning to innocence…

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My grandmother is very sick and will probably die soon.  I don’t live in the same city so I haven’t seen her in a while, but my mom and dad continue to share the details of her days.

Her recent memories have begun to fade, while those from long ago remain.  She is again being fed her meals as she was when she was a little baby, and she is filled with the joy and gratitude of a child when each visitor arrives in her room.  As I watch and listen from a distance, it seems as if the layers, the years, the hurt and the pain are being stripped away from my grandmother and she is returning to the innocence of her childhood and the purity of her baptism.

I am again in awe of our Amazing Father in Heaven and His Amazing Plan that we can’t imagine or understand, but sometimes glimpse when the light of understanding hits the veil at just the right angle.

Thank You sweet Lord and please do what You must to strip us clean and bring us all home to You!

AMAZED

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My mind is a jumble of thoughts as I think of infinity buried in a point where everything on the inside is bigger than what is on the outside, and how difficult it is to wrap my earthly mind around this, as I look at the night sky and feel infinitesimally small, but then attempt to accept or believe or have faith that there is something or some place so much bigger buried and hidden from us in a point, in a second, in a planck length.

And then I am AMAZED to the point of tears with an aching joy in my heart knowing that somehow, mysteriously this is TRUE…

 

And Jesus said, “What do you want me to do for you?”

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Sometimes we pray and pray and then pray some more, but do we know what we are asking Jesus to do for us?

I am often praying for forgiveness.  Forgive me for this, forgive me for that, forgive my sin from yesterday, forgive my sin from 15 years ago, etc.  This morning I was praying for forgiveness for something yet again, and I thought to myself or He said, “I have forgiven you, and I will forgive you again, and I will continue forgiving you as many times as you request to be forgiven, but when will you release your sin and give it to Me?”

When will I release my sin, when will I give it to Him?  He has already accepted it, He has already died for it, but have I let it go and actually given it to Him by accepting His forgiveness?

Have I become comfortable wallowing in my sin, remembering it, begging forgiveness and then returning to wallow in the comfort  of being an unforgiven sinner yet again?  I am not sure…. maybe?  I am not saying that we shouldn’t be praying for and begging for forgiveness often and more than once, but I think I have been missing a very crucial part to this prayer, a prayer asking Jesus to help me release my sin, give it to Him and enter the unknown territory of forgiven sinner by accepting His forgiveness.

Sweet Lord, sweet Savior, sweet Jesus I am in awe as I see Your amazing work more clearly than ever before through more specific and focused prayers.  I want each beat of my heart to be filled with gratitude and thanksgiving for You and I beg You to please keep opening our eyes to our sins so that we can beg forgiveness, repent and release our sin to You!

The sword of truth

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Oh how swift and sure the sword of truth flies…

For my 2 or 3 readers (you know who you are), please know that I would love to live by my words, but unfortunately I am still a poor and wretched soul speaking/writing as I would love to live, but failing 99.9% of the time to live this way and only succeeding when His divine hand intervenes to act through me.

I am a hypocrite and I am a gossip and I have brought pain to those I love all the while arrogantly believing that I was actually helping.  Oh how painful it is when the sword of truth pierces our heart.   I am not writing this to wallow in my failures and pain though, but I want to take these failures and this pain and glorify our sweet, wonderful, and faithful Lord.

Since Lent began I have been praying for a clean heart and oh how quickly He began to work!

Being a hypocrite and a gossip were not even on my radar.  It never occurred to me that these titles are mine, that they are on my resume, that they apply to me, but He came through and sent His sword of truth flying directly into my heart, piercing through the hardened layers  to awaken me and show me that oh yes these titles do apply to me, they are mine and I fall hard into these categories.

Yet, I do not despair, for our Lord has opened my eyes to these sins and there is no better way to begin repenting for a sin than first realizing that the sin is ours.

I know His work is not done in me and sweet Lord for this I am so thankful!

Lamentations 3:22-23
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

The Ancient Paths

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Just as impurities should be removed from the original metals during the process of making an alloy to increase the strength and durability of the alloy (the new metal), our impurities should be cleansed and removed before He melts our hearts into one new heart through marriage.

If our hearts are full of impurities, then how can we ever hope for our new heart to be strong.  These impurities will cause our new heart to be brittle, weak, and easily damaged requiring constant attention and surgical repair.

Sweet Lord, we have neglected the need to seek cleansing and purification through reflection, prayer, fasting and confession before the many celebrations of our lives, but most of all before our marriages.  We have turned the time of engagement and preparation into yet another party rather a time of reflection, prayer and a time to seek You.  Please forgive us and help us seek the ancient paths, where the good way lies.

Jeremiah 6:16
Thus says the Lord:  Stand at the crossroads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way lies; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.

Every moment is infinite

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It is so amazing to me that as you try to find the smallest unit of time between two seconds, you reach infinity.  Most of us always think of infinity as so big, vast and unimaginable, and often forget that it is also so tiny, minute and almost invisible!

I think this is why so many stress the need to live in the present moment!  They know that by living in each present moment we have an opportunity to live in infinity.  When we live in the past or the future, we skim the surface of each moment instead of diving down into the the infinity of the moment.

Be still, be quiet, listen, see it, touch it, understand it, and realize that the infinite is available to everyone and can be reached and felt and understood by everyone in every moment.

We all probably know someone who lives most of their life within the infinity of the present moment.  We are drawn to them, and see it in their eyes, but they can’t take us there, they can only show it to us.  In order to meet them there, we must take our own path diving down deep into the infinity of our moments.

Lord please still and silence our bodies, hearts, minds ,and souls so that we might commune with You within each infinite moment!

We are no Longer Separated…

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I was talking with my daughter today, and we started talking about Jesus.  As we were talking about why He had to die on the cross she answered the question with ease and simplicity by saying, “If He didn’t die on the cross, we wouldn’t have God, because we would still be separated from Him.”

We don’t take our children to church, we don’t send them to bible studies or Sunday school, and despite our failures, He speaks with our children loud and clear and WOW do they listen… I am awe of how He has opened their ears, their eyes and given them such a deep understanding greatly surpassing mine.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You sweet Lord… there is nothing else to say but Thank You!

Wise men still seek Him

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Wise men still seek Him not through study or intellectual knowledge, but in the depth, silence and peace of their own hearts.  Dear and sweet Lord, in this new year filled with new distractions please help us to choose Your Peace over the chaos.

Your peace you have freely given, but in our helplessness we still haven’t chosen it.  Please take our hands and lead us to choose Your Peace!

Our Heart

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Twelve years ago my husband and I were married, we became one, but I don’t think I ever took it as seriously as God meant for it to be taken.  Yes, we have been married and faithful and loving.  We have been blessed with three wonderful children, and we spend lots of time together, but I don’t think I have really believed or thought that we are truly and physically one.

Mark 10:8
And the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two but one flesh.

A few months ago, I started thinking about this bible verse and wondered if truly we were truly made into one and given the same heart on that wonderful day of our marriage.  Have I ever behaved as if we truly have one heart?  Have I inflicted damage or scars on our heart through hurtful words, arguments and fights?  Have I ever tried to pull or push away hard enough to create a rip in our heart or to break our heart?  Has God ever had to carefully sew our new heart back together?  Has our heart grown stronger throughout the years or have we inflicted scars that will forever be weak spots that might break more easily?

I don’t know the answers, but after I started thinking about this I began trying to literally, physically and spiritually live life as one with my husband.  I began by talking with him in my heart and praying for him throughout the day while he is as work.  During yoga classes I started praying that the strength, flexibility and peace gained in class were flowing to him.  Talking, laughing and doing homework with our children after school, I began praying that he was sharing in our time together.  Finally when I mess up which is often, I beg forgiveness from him and from our Lord (this one isn’t new), but now when he messes up I beg forgiveness from our Lord because if I truly believe that we are one then my mistakes are still mine, but his mistakes are now mine too.

Most of you reading this probably think I am a little crazy and spend way too much time in my own head.  I will never really know the answers, but I don’t think that is really the point. From my little experiment I do know that I see my husband more and I love him more.

I pray that it is true, I pray that our sweet Lord truly gave us one heart, our heart!