Twelve years ago my husband and I were married, we became one, but I don’t think I ever took it as seriously as God meant for it to be taken. Yes, we have been married and faithful and loving. We have been blessed with three wonderful children, and we spend lots of time together, but I don’t think I have really believed or thought that we are truly and physically one.
And the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two but one flesh.
A few months ago, I started thinking about this bible verse and wondered if truly we were truly made into one and given the same heart on that wonderful day of our marriage. Have I ever behaved as if we truly have one heart? Have I inflicted damage or scars on our heart through hurtful words, arguments and fights? Have I ever tried to pull or push away hard enough to create a rip in our heart or to break our heart? Has God ever had to carefully sew our new heart back together? Has our heart grown stronger throughout the years or have we inflicted scars that will forever be weak spots that might break more easily?
I don’t know the answers, but after I started thinking about this I began trying to literally, physically and spiritually live life as one with my husband. I began by talking with him in my heart and praying for him throughout the day while he is as work. During yoga classes I started praying that the strength, flexibility and peace gained in class were flowing to him. Talking, laughing and doing homework with our children after school, I began praying that he was sharing in our time together. Finally when I mess up which is often, I beg forgiveness from him and from our Lord (this one isn’t new), but now when he messes up I beg forgiveness from our Lord because if I truly believe that we are one then my mistakes are still mine, but his mistakes are now mine too.
Most of you reading this probably think I am a little crazy and spend way too much time in my own head. I will never really know the answers, but I don’t think that is really the point. From my little experiment I do know that I see my husband more and I love him more.
I pray that it is true, I pray that our sweet Lord truly gave us one heart, our heart!
Last week I watched some documentaries about the universe and I must admit I love them! I saw one that reminded me of the fact that our universe is still expanding and is now expanding at a faster rate than it did just after it’s birth. I find this so interesting, amazing, strange and difficult to understand.
As I was watching a few days ago, I was thinking a lot about bubbles! Maybe our universe is a like a bubble, a little piece of something that is where it doesn’t belong.
Imagine a bubble rushing towards the water’s surface. As it rises, it expands, and as it expands it rises faster, causing it to expand even more and then rise even faster. I am not a fluid dynamics expert, but I think this is correct at a very high level.
Now imagine that our universe is this bubble rushing through a substance where it doesn’t belong, and maybe as it is approaching a surface the surrounding pressure is decreasing which would explain why our universe is expanding faster than before. If so… what do you think will happen when our bubble finally reaches the unknown surface? Will it BURST?
If so, then I hope when our bubble bursts we will finally find ourselves where we do belong, in the singularity (the point where a function takes an infinite value) of GOD!
I heard the most beautifully worded description from a friend who wants to know her husband more deeply. She prayed, “Melt our hearts into one.”
I haven’t really set a new year’s resolution for myself, but hearing this reminded me of my course and helped me reset my compass. I long for this and I think this is my prayer and my desire in this new year.
Sweet Jesus, please melt our hearts into one and then mold our heart as You will.
The other morning I fell yet again.
It was the one day of the month when parents can walk their children to their classrooms, see their artwork and help them unpack and get ready for their school day.
The girls were eating slow, laughing a lot and having a ball at breakfast. I interrupted their little party to tell them them to hurry up. It didn’t phase them, they kept enjoying their breakfast and each others company. I rushed them again and again they continued to slowly enjoy their breakfast and their sweet little jokes. Then I continued complaining about the fact that we were leaving 10 min later than I wanted to leave while brushing their teeth, getting their socks on and urging them into their shoes. At one point I asked my youngest to please put her shoes on and she started laughing at me and told me that I had already put them on for her.
When we finally arrived at school, I realized that we had forgotten their folders. My sweet oldest was finally upset. She is so studious and organized and was very upset about coming to school without her folder. I felt so bad, but even in the midst of my guilt I didn’t say the right thing.
After getting them to their rooms, I ran home to get their folders. I then waited at the office while my oldest came to pick up her folder and I finally apologized for being so impatient earlier that morning.
As we hugged she whispered “I forgive you” into my ear.
I think I have finally realized that God did not make me the mother of these three sweet little blessings because of anything I have done, but instead because how strong they are to withstand all of my mistakes and because of everything I still have to learn about patience, goodness, forgiveness and love from them.
God thank You for Your forgiveness every time I fall and thank You for these three blessings in my life who so willingly forgive me as You do!
Please continue to open my eyes to all of their wonderful teachings and keep reminding me to slow down and take everything one moment at a time!
It was a dark and stormy evening. A young man who had recently received his license was on his way home from picking someone up. As he approached a red light, he pumped the brakes, they locked and the car continued right through the light.
There was a collision, people were hurt, a young child in another car was killed.
The young man driving was my grandfather.
I know he thought of this child often. I know he carried the pain of having caused the death of this child for the rest of his life. As I think back to discussions and time I spent with my grandfather, I can remember the painful expression I would see cross his face if we ever heard about or discussed any type of car accident. I remember seeing him wince as if he was physically in pain when we discussed a news article about all of the fatal car accidents caused by faulty tires back in 2000.
I think this moment drove him to spend the rest of his life seeking to empathize with those who had recently lost a loved one in death through his work as a funeral director. He sought to feel their pain, he hoped to feel what the family of that young child felt, and he searched for forgiveness by easing the pain of others as they faced the death of a loved one.
I now wonder if God graced my grandfather with an end to his search just before he died?
My young cousin, his granddaughter, was killed in a car accident on a dark and stormy evening about a year before my grandfather died. After his years of searching and empathizing with others, he finally felt what it was like for the family of that young child who had died so many years ago. He finally felt what it was like to look into the face of the mother of that child as he looked into the face of his own daughter as she wept for her child.
My sweet young cousin was the only one who was ready to go home. Maybe her death was a gift of grace to our grandfather?
God thank you for loving both of them so much!
A few months ago I posted “The one path, our path!”. While I was imagining this path, I was imagining walking down it with billions of friends one of which was my husband walking beside me. While I thought of us walking together in my mind I knew he was anxious to run ahead and climb the mountain to see his mom. I urged him to run ahead, but I chose to stay behind. Not because I didn’t want to be with him, but because I wanted to see him at the top of the mountain singing with his mom. In my daydream I could see him embrace his mom, hold her hand and then begin singing, but I had a really hard time imagining him singing (my husband does not sing very much) and imagining what song he would sing.
A few weeks later I heard I Could Sing of Your Love Forever by Sonicflood and decided that this was the song I would imagine him singing. Since picking the song, I have thought about this walk and watching him sing on the mountaintop a few times and this daydream always brings a smile to my face.
Last weekend we were sitting on the couch together. I was reading my book and he was working on his computer. My Pandora station was on in the background and I Could Sing of Your Love Forever by Sonicflood came on. Around the middle of the song my husband began singing the song to himself and carried it through to the end!
I smiled to myself and thought someday he will sing this song on the mountaintop with his mom. It truly is Our Best Life, thank you Jesus for loving us so much that the song really will go on forever!