My grandmother is very sick and will probably die soon. I don’t live in the same city so I haven’t seen her in a while, but my mom and dad continue to share the details of her days.
Her recent memories have begun to fade, while those from long ago remain. She is again being fed her meals as she was when she was a little baby, and she is filled with the joy and gratitude of a child when each visitor arrives in her room. As I watch and listen from a distance, it seems as if the layers, the years, the hurt and the pain are being stripped away from my grandmother and she is returning to the innocence of her childhood and the purity of her baptism.
I am again in awe of our Amazing Father in Heaven and His Amazing Plan that we can’t imagine or understand, but sometimes glimpse when the light of understanding hits the veil at just the right angle.
Thank You sweet Lord and please do what You must to strip us clean and bring us all home to You!
I love the song The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman.
When I first heard this song about a year ago I thought of Judas Iscariot. I thought of the love he must have felt for Jesus when he first met Him. I thought of how fervently he wanted to follow Him, to be good and to care for and help the poor. I thought of the dreams he must have had for himself as a follower, a disciple and a friend of Jesus. He possibly imagined that God was shaping him into a perfect piece of art that would be displayed for all to see. Then I imagined his pain, his sorrow, his despair and possibly the numbness he felt when he realized that God’s plan was not for him to be displayed as a perfect piece of art, but instead God’s plan was for him to betray Jesus, betray the blood of a guiltless man. When I thought of this I cried and cried and cried for this man whom it would have been better for if he had not been born (Matthew 26:24).
Tonight I saw that a friend had taken the quiz, Which one of Jesus’s disciples are you? so I decided to take it too. Guess which disciple I am? Judas Iscariot.
WOW… I was shocked and so sad that this computer quiz calculated that if I had been there 2000 years ago and been blessed beyond measure to be chosen by Him as one of His 12 disciples, I would have been His betrayer. I would not have been sleeping in the garden as He prayed, but instead would have been wide awake leading those blind with hatred and envy to Him, my Love. It would have been me…
Ever since empathizing with Judas Iscariot through Bebo Norman’s song, I have prayed that Judas Iscariot only found the courage and strength to betray Jesus purely out of obedience to Jesus and faith in Jesus. I still pray for this to be true, and my hope lies in the fact that so many things are upside down and turned around from what they seem, our treasure lies not in the bank but in our love, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, the veil is still drawn, the truth is still hidden, but someday all will be revealed… and until then I am praying for Judas.