I have been back in the gym for four years. I have lovingly come to call my time spent there my worshipful workout. Today as I was climbing my never ending imaginary mountain I realized that my workout has become even more, He has helped me turn this time into a time of self reflection, of self knowledge and confession as He so gently reminds me of my mistakes, failures and sprinkles in the few triumphs when I have truly let Him work through and in me.
Over the past few years I have climbed about 2500 miles on the elliptical at the gym, but the strides He has given me the grace to take down the path of knowing thyself are infinitely more meaningful.
Sweet Lord, as I dig deeper into knowing myself the demons within surround me… You alone are my refuge and I beg you to please let every sorrow filled tear that falls be full of pure and true contrition, and every joy filled tear that falls be full of pure and true praise and gratitude for You!
My mind is a jumble of thoughts as I think of infinity buried in a point where everything on the inside is bigger than what is on the outside, and how difficult it is to wrap my earthly mind around this, as I look at the night sky and feel infinitesimally small, but then attempt to accept or believe or have faith that there is something or some place so much bigger buried and hidden from us in a point, in a second, in a planck length.
And then I am AMAZED to the point of tears with an aching joy in my heart knowing that somehow, mysteriously this is TRUE…
This morning I woke up and remembered that it was our anniversary! As I gazed at my sleeping love, he woke up, gave me a smile and then for a moment he became lost as he gazed into space.
I didn’t want to interrupt his waking moment, but I thought to myself as he became lost in thought… only God knows where he is right now.
In that moment, with that thought, I wanted to melt into our one true Love so that my husband and I could be lost together in His infinite ocean of love.
By losing ourselves or melting into Him we are not lost, but instead find His buried treasure of knowing each other even more deeply. This hidden treasure is wonderful, but even it falls short of a deeper secret waiting for us.
I long to long to lose myself for Him alone.
I am not usually a cynic, but today after spending too much at the grocery I arrived home, checked the mail and found a magazine that had a picture of probably a $5 million dollar home on the front with the article titled, “Love your home!”, and I thought to myself… seriously? Do the people writing and publishing this magazine really believe that looking at photos of this outrageously extravagant house will help me and others love our homes? Seriously… do they really believe this?
I took the magazine straight to the recycling box, because I certainly know that looking at it would not help me to love my home, but I have been wondering why it bothered me so much today. Most days this wouldn’t phase me or bother me, but it did today.
Maybe my annoyance with this magazine is because, as scary as it is to say or to type, in a way it reminds me of my own expensive home, of my own excess, of my own greed, and of my own issues with envy? Maybe for a moment I forgot about my true home?
Lord please be with me and remove envy from my heart and replace it with Your generosity and gratitude because I long to always love the home You have given to me while I am here, but most of all I long to always remember that You are my true home.
Please help me, I can’t do it without You, my Love.
My husband went for a run the other day and when he came back he was literally dripping with sweat and he asked me if he smelled bad. I leaned in, took a big whiff and honestly I thought he smelled nice and I said “You smell good to me”. He smiled and said it didn’t count because I see him with the eyes of love.
I was thinking of this today and thinking that seeing someone through the eyes of love is more true and real than any other way to see someone. I think it should always count and be the only opinion that counts! Maybe I was the only person on earth at that moment that didn’t think my husband smelled, but maybe I was also the only person in the world who could really smell him.
Doesn’t God look at us with the eyes of love? Isn’t this how he is able to constantly forgive and forget everything we do to ourselves and each other? Does this make it okay to live life with our rose colored glasses on all of the time? Does this make it okay to try to see the good in everything?
Maybe there are no rose colored glasses. Maybe instead there are dark and dingy glasses that block us from seeing with the eyes of love if we refuse to take them off.
I feel like at times constant optimism can hurt the ones we love if they are suffering or going through a very difficult time, but maybe it isn’t constant optimism. Maybe the dark and dingy glasses are off and saying “It is going to be okay” or “You are going to be okay” is not a lie or a hollow consolation, but more real and true than our loved one can yet see.
Jesus said, “Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”
If we really are wearing dark and dingy glasses maybe a good way to start trying to remove them is by literally saying out loud “It is Our Best Life” everyday.
Let’s take off our glasses and start seeing everyone with the eyes of love!