My mind is a jumble of thoughts as I think of infinity buried in a point where everything on the inside is bigger than what is on the outside, and how difficult it is to wrap my earthly mind around this, as I look at the night sky and feel infinitesimally small, but then attempt to accept or believe or have faith that there is something or some place so much bigger buried and hidden from us in a point, in a second, in a planck length.
And then I am AMAZED to the point of tears with an aching joy in my heart knowing that somehow, mysteriously this is TRUE…
I prayed in a small, quiet chapel this morning. As I sat there I prayed with my head bowed, asking for this, asking for that, apologizing for this, apologizing for that and then just as I was leaving I looked up and saw Christ hanging on the cross.
I was embarrassed to be sitting there so comfortably and so focused on myself without once regarding Him, without once humbly kneeling down to Him as He still hangs there taking on our sins as we continue to pile them on.
What are we doing my friends? He should be a part of every thought, every intention, every action of our lives.
He still hangs there and we still wound Him… it is so sad.
Why do we try to eat healthy and feed our families good food? Why do we workout and encourage our families to exercise?
For a long time I was trying to eat well and workout to stay strong, to stay healthy, to avoid heartburn, to live longer and most of all because that it is what people do when they grow up, they begin taking responsibility for their health, it is one of our rules. Right?
About a year ago things started to change. I didn’t realize it at first, but my workout was becoming a time of worship and prayer. It was slowly becoming a time for me to empty my head of myself and think of Him, talk to Him, read about Him and sometimes just be silent and listen for Him. I was becoming addicted to it not for the endorphins the workout provided, but to the time it gave me with Him.
Without realizing it I brought it into my yoga class. I started imagining our sweet Love helping me breathe and ease into each position. I imagined Him gently massaging the areas of tension in my legs and my back and then gently helping me ease out of each move. I imagined Him sitting with me and holding my hand throughout the meditation at the end. I have fallen in love with yoga and the precious moments it has given me with Him.
I am not sure why He has given me this Grace, but He has changed the intentions of my workout and my health and I have started calling it my worshipful workout. He has removed my longing for the goals of this world and He has shown me that even through my workout He can and should be my focus and my end goal.
I am longing to change the intentions of every moment of my life as I care for and love my wonderful husband and my sweet girls. I want every action to be done with Him in mind, for Him and with the intention of glorifying Him, pleasing Him and bringing a smile to His beautiful face. I want not just a worshipful workout, but a worshipful life!
I want it this way so that someday when I breathe my last breath, He will be my final thought.
This morning I woke up and remembered that it was our anniversary! As I gazed at my sleeping love, he woke up, gave me a smile and then for a moment he became lost as he gazed into space.
I didn’t want to interrupt his waking moment, but I thought to myself as he became lost in thought… only God knows where he is right now.
In that moment, with that thought, I wanted to melt into our one true Love so that my husband and I could be lost together in His infinite ocean of love.
By losing ourselves or melting into Him we are not lost, but instead find His buried treasure of knowing each other even more deeply. This hidden treasure is wonderful, but even it falls short of a deeper secret waiting for us.
I long to long to lose myself for Him alone.