Category Archives: Humility

Double Doors

Can you see them?

Look up at just right angle and you will see high on the Hill of Calvary there is a set of double doors created just for us.  The lintel and center post is covered in the blood of our Passover Lamb, our sweet and precious Jesus.

His Cross holds these doors open for us… and through this opening He calls to us, beckoning for us to come, come in and see!

RUN my friends, run to His Cross, run through the doors while He holds them open for us!

John 14:6
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Isaiah 45:1-4
Thus says the LORD to His anointed,
To Cyrus, whose right hand I have held—
To subdue nations before him
And loose the armor of kings,
To open before him the double doors,
So that the gates will not be shut:
‘I will go before you
And make the crooked places straight;
I will break in pieces the gates of bronze
And cut the bars of iron.
I will give you the treasures of darkness
And hidden riches of secret places,
That you may know that I, the LORD,
Who call you by your name,
Am the God of Israel.
For Jacob My servant’s sake,
And Israel My elect,
I have even called you by your name;
I have named you, though you have not known Me…

Matthew 25:1-13
“Then the Kingdom of Heaven will be like ten bridesmaids who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. The five who were foolish didn’t take enough olive oil for their lamps,  but the other five were wise enough to take along extra oil. When the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

“At midnight they were roused by the shout, ‘Look, the bridegroom is coming! Come out and meet him!’ “All the bridesmaids got up and prepared their lamps. Then the five foolish ones asked the others, ‘Please give us some of your oil because our lamps are going out.’“But the others replied, ‘We don’t have enough for all of us. Go to a shop and buy some for yourselves.’ “But while they were gone to buy oil, the bridegroom came. Then those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was locked. Later, when the other five bridesmaids returned, they stood outside, calling, ‘Lord! Lord! Open the door for us!’ “But he called back, ‘Believe me, I don’t know you!’

“So you, too, must keep watch! For you do not know the day or hour of my return.

Holy

This morning I woke up struggling with a conversation I had yesterday regarding my belief and thoughts on a topic that I had prayed, read and thought about for quite some time.  I woke up wondering if I was being closed minded, hard hearted, and proud.  In search of an answer I prayed, “Sweet Lord, please align both of us with Your Holy Will and please lead me to what You would like me to read this morning.”

After this prayer, I looked aimlessly through the books scattered around our house, and then finally decided to complete a few questions in my Bible study.  After looking for my bag, I remembered that I had left it in the car.  When I opened the door to retrieve it, I found page 16 from my disintegrating copy of The Joy of Full Surrender by Jean-Pierre de Caussade laying beside my bag and Chapter 8 jumped out at me.

It read…

Who is the Most Holy?

The will of God gives a supernatural and divine value to everything of the soul that is submitted to it.  All the duties God’s will imposes, all those contained in it, all the matters it touches, become holy and perfect, because the will of God is unlimited in power and makes everything it touches divine.

Thank You my Sweet Lord – I submit myself again to You and pray to continually submit myself every day, every hour, every minute, every second for the rest of my life.

Thy Kingdom Come, They Will Be Done

Know thyself…

I have been back in the gym for four years.  I have lovingly come to call my time spent there my worshipful workout.  Today as I was climbing my never ending imaginary mountain I realized that my workout has become even more, He has helped me turn this time into a time of self reflection, of self knowledge and confession as He so gently reminds me of my mistakes, failures and sprinkles in the few triumphs when I have truly let Him work through and in me.

Over the past few years I have climbed about 2500 miles on the elliptical at the gym, but the strides He has given me the grace to take down the path of knowing thyself are infinitely more meaningful.

Sweet Lord, as I dig deeper into knowing myself the demons within surround me… You alone are my refuge and I beg you to please let every sorrow filled tear that falls be full of pure and true contrition, and every joy filled tear that falls be full of pure and true praise and gratitude for You!

A sense of urgency

Some times when I am thinking of Him, reading about Him, listening to a song that fills my soul with Him… I feel a sense of urgency – a deep need to tell others of the great and overwhelming sorrow we will feel when we arrive at the foot of His throne and realize how little we did if anything and how much more we should have done to praise Him with every breath, every action, every thought during this short life of ours.

Then the moment usually passes and I slip back into the world, but NOT TODAY my friends.  Today is different… today I said a little prayer when this feeling came over me and I asked Him to give me the words to share.  Sweet Lord, I pray that these words are not from me, but from Your Sweet Holy Spirit.

Let our lives be nothing but the echo of God.

God’s Art

In the last few years I have begun to develop an appreciation and love for visual art.  I was walking through a museum a few years ago when a light bulb suddenly went off in my head as I realized what billions before me already knew… each painting represented a moment in the life of a soul.  That day I saw that some had shared a moment of their pain, others had shared a moment of their joy, some shared a moment of their fear, and at least one had shared a moment of deep understanding, a moment when that soul dove into the infinity of their present moment and then translated it onto a canvas.

I cried that day as I walked through the museum feeling humbled and amazed by so many souls laid bare before me.

Tonight as I was reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, he wrote about God’s art throughout creation and interestingly enough I read about this a few weeks ago in Romans during a bible study.  Oh Lord please forgive my inability to quickly grasp what You are trying to tell me… tonight I think Your message finally broke through.

God has bared His soul before us… and oh how AMAZING it is!!!

What more is there to say other than – Thank You, thank You, thank You for the Grace to truly see Your Art, Your Heart, Your Soul!

AMAZED

My mind is a jumble of thoughts as I think of infinity buried in a point where everything on the inside is bigger than what is on the outside, and how difficult it is to wrap my earthly mind around this, as I look at the night sky and feel infinitesimally small, but then attempt to accept or believe or have faith that there is something or some place so much bigger buried and hidden from us in a point, in a second, in a planck length.

And then I am AMAZED to the point of tears with an aching joy in my heart knowing that somehow, mysteriously this is TRUE…

 

And Jesus said, “What do you want me to do for you?”

Sometimes we pray and pray and then pray some more, but do we know what we are asking Jesus to do for us?

I am often praying for forgiveness.  Forgive me for this, forgive me for that, forgive my sin from yesterday, forgive my sin from 15 years ago, etc.  This morning I was praying for forgiveness for something yet again, and I thought to myself or He said, “I have forgiven you, and I will forgive you again, and I will continue forgiving you as many times as you request to be forgiven, but when will you release your sin and give it to Me?”

When will I release my sin, when will I give it to Him?  He has already accepted it, He has already died for it, but have I let it go and actually given it to Him by accepting His forgiveness?

Have I become comfortable wallowing in my sin, remembering it, begging forgiveness and then returning to wallow in the comfort  of being an unforgiven sinner yet again?  I am not sure…. maybe?  I am not saying that we shouldn’t be praying for and begging for forgiveness often and more than once, but I think I have been missing a very crucial part to this prayer, a prayer asking Jesus to help me release my sin, give it to Him and enter the unknown territory of forgiven sinner by accepting His forgiveness.

Sweet Lord, sweet Savior, sweet Jesus I am in awe as I see Your amazing work more clearly than ever before through more specific and focused prayers.  I want each beat of my heart to be filled with gratitude and thanksgiving for You and I beg You to please keep opening our eyes to our sins so that we can beg forgiveness, repent and release our sin to You!

Our Heart

Twelve years ago my husband and I were married, we became one, but I don’t think I ever took it as seriously as God meant for it to be taken.  Yes, we have been married and faithful and loving.  We have been blessed with three wonderful children, and we spend lots of time together, but I don’t think I have really believed or thought that we are truly and physically one.

Mark 10:8
And the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two but one flesh.

A few months ago, I started thinking about this bible verse and wondered if truly we were truly made into one and given the same heart on that wonderful day of our marriage.  Have I ever behaved as if we truly have one heart?  Have I inflicted damage or scars on our heart through hurtful words, arguments and fights?  Have I ever tried to pull or push away hard enough to create a rip in our heart or to break our heart?  Has God ever had to carefully sew our new heart back together?  Has our heart grown stronger throughout the years or have we inflicted scars that will forever be weak spots that might break more easily?

I don’t know the answers, but after I started thinking about this I began trying to literally, physically and spiritually live life as one with my husband.  I began by talking with him in my heart and praying for him throughout the day while he is as work.  During yoga classes I started praying that the strength, flexibility and peace gained in class were flowing to him.  Talking, laughing and doing homework with our children after school, I began praying that he was sharing in our time together.  Finally when I mess up which is often, I beg forgiveness from him and from our Lord (this one isn’t new), but now when he messes up I beg forgiveness from our Lord because if I truly believe that we are one then my mistakes are still mine, but his mistakes are now mine too.

Most of you reading this probably think I am a little crazy and spend way too much time in my own head.  I will never really know the answers, but I don’t think that is really the point. From my little experiment I do know that I see my husband more and I love him more.

I pray that it is true, I pray that our sweet Lord truly gave us one heart, our heart!

Trampled Pearls

I spend a lot of time thinking about things I have read, watched or discussed and wondering about interesting or different connections. I love to call these long and extended thought processes my secret thoughts.  My sweet husband always listens faithfully, and sometimes I share them with others, but not often.

One passage in the bible that I have been thinking about on and off for a while is Matthew 8:28-32.


And when he came to the other side, to the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men met him, coming out of the tombs, so fierce that no one could pass that way. And behold, they cried out, “What have you to do with us, O Son of God? Have you come here to torment us before the time?” Now a herd of many pigs was feeding at some distance from them. And the demons begged him, saying, “If you cast us out, send us away into the herd of pigs.” And he said to them, “Go.” So they came out and went into the pigs, and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and drowned in the waters. 


What is the point of this?  Why are the pigs included? Originally I thought of it as a followup to Leviticus when the Israelites were told not to eat the flesh of the pig.  I figured that this was further confirmation on how much God dislikes pigs, but this explanation never really felt right.

Then this passage came up again and I was thinking about it immediately on the heels of reading, Matthew 7: 7-8…


Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.


And it occurred to me that the demons had asked Jesus to send them into the herd of pigs, and He had given them their request.  Maybe what God is demonstrating in this passage is that if even a demon can ask and then be given his request, then we must realize how much more Jesus and Our Father in Heaven desire for us to ask so that They can give us our request.

Obviously I don’t know the answer, but I know my thoughts and I know the time put into pondering and developing this secret thought can be thought of as time spent polishing a little pearl God buried within my heart.  When I did share this thought with someone new, I finally experienced what it was like to cast my pearls before swine.  My thoughts were trampled and dismissed and I was upset and hurt for a little while, but now after the hurt has passed I am left regretfully wondering whose pearls have I trampled?

Sweet Lord, please help us to tread gently so that instead of trampling the pearls of others we might have a chance to discover them, learn from them, admire them and cherish them!  Also please help us to ask YOU with full faith that YOU will give!  You have proven it time and time again… it is our memories that constantly fail!