Sitting in limbo

Sometimes I feel as if our sweet Lord is letting me sit in a state of limbo because I refuse to fully accept His will.  He gives me opportunities to prove my trust and faith in Him, and I fail time and time again as I stress, obsess and can’t sleep at night over little situations in my life.

He could really shake things up for me by ripping everything I grasp so tightly away, but instead of feeling His temper flare I feel His love as He again gently gives me another chance to prove my trust and faith in Him.

Please my Lord, deepen my faith and trust in You, turn me towards prayer instead of stress and obsession, and continue to gently guide me out of limbo towards an eternal union with You!

The circle of giving!

Imagine a place where we passed on our things every day.  We didn’t sit around with full pantries, closets,  or attics, but instead cleaned out and passed on every night before bed.  Imagine the cleansing we would do, and the new opportunities that would arrive right on our door steps!

I am pretty sure I am a break in this circle, but how I would love to mend my broken piece.

Please pray for us my friends.  Please pray that the spirit of generosity will rise up in our souls like a burning fire, and there will be nothing that will quench this desire of ours but to give, give and give!

Tonight as He bleeds…

On this night our Lord will pray in the garden of Gethsemane, suffering in agony as He prays to the point of sweating blood.

What was flashing through His mind in those moments?  What caused Him such great emotional pain  that He physically sweat blood?

Maybe as He knelt there praying, life flashed before His eyes, but instead of seeing His own life, He saw all of our lives flash before His eyes. Our lives became His as He lived each of our lives in His mind, in those moments.  He saw every sin each of us has ever committed as His own sin.

He watched Himself committing these grievous, selfish, terrible and sinful acts. God, His Father, watched Him committing these grievous, selfish, terrible, and sinful acts.

He literally, physically, emotionally, and mentally bore our sins, and yes, I believe watching Himself commit our sins made Him sweat blood.

He Himself bore our sins… – Peter 2:24

Oh my Jesus…  please forgive us, thank You, please forgive us, thank You, please forgive us, thank You, thank You, thank You…

There is still more work to be done within me!

I don’t remember the exact context, but I was praying for my husband last week and part of my prayer was for something to change in him.  He didn’t know of my prayer for him, but within hours of this prayer my sweet husband shared a story of when he was young, a sad story that testifies again to his strength, kindness, consideration and the attention he shows others.  It is a story that he had never shared with me and a sad memory for him that breaks my heart.

Shame on me, shame on me to ever think that the work in me is done and I am ready to ask others to change.

The work we must do here is on ourselves.  We only fully know our own stories.  For everyone else we must have compassion, understanding, patience, kindness and love because no matter how close we are to someone, there is always something we do not know.

Jesus thank you for my sweet husband and for bringing us even closer.  Thank you for opening my eyes to even more of his love, kindness and strength and for gently reminding me that there is still more work to be done within me!

Sitting in comfort…

I prayed in a small, quiet chapel this morning.  As I sat there I prayed with my head bowed, asking for this, asking for that, apologizing for this, apologizing for that and then just as I was leaving I looked up and saw Christ hanging on the cross.

I was embarrassed to be sitting there so comfortably and so focused on myself without once regarding Him, without once humbly kneeling down to Him as He still hangs there taking on our sins as we continue to pile them on.

What are we doing my friends?  He should be a part of every thought, every intention, every action of our lives.

He still hangs there and we still wound Him… it is so sad.

Making it count…

I am not sure why, but from a young age I was blessed with the understanding that I should make my time spent doing things count.  In school I was never one to goof around while studying.  I never understood this attitude and I always figured that if I was sitting here looking at the book I might as well actually learn the material.  Whenever I went to an exercise class or practiced a sport I had the same thought and I gave it my all during practice without complaint.

I don’t think I have lost this blessing.  I still want to make my time spent doing things count, but now as an adult I am starting to see that I need to worry more about where I am spending my time that counts.

The more I read about Our Blessed Mother, the more I am starting to see my reading as a self indulgence and an excuse to learn more about her rather than really getting to know her.

I am starting to see that I must exchange my reading for prayer and I am feeling a sense of urgency.  I am not sure why this sense of urgency has come over me, but it is here and I must jump in.

My friends, please pray for me as I begin to pray.  I pray that this is not an empty resolution or a good intention that I will not keep.  Instead I pray to make my time in prayer count as I have done in so many other activities throughout my life.  Please join me in prayer and remember me in your prayers.

Let them be holy

I started praying a new prayer for my girls a few months ago.

Dear Lord, please let them be holy.  Protect them from my sins, vices and falls and guide them home with Your Holy Light keeping them pure and white and making them holy.

Guess what, since beginning this prayer He is changing me again! I have fallen in love with Our Blessed Mother, Saint Mary.  I was drawn to a book about her and now I long to pray to her, I look to her as a guide, a mentor and as the perfect example of mothering.

I didn’t tie these two events together at first, but as I think more about it I believe they are connected.  How could I, a person loaded down with baggage filled with selfishness, greed, unkindness, and sin ever hope to raise children who are holy?!?!  Alone in my greed, selfishness, and ever growing pile of wrong doings, it would not be possible, but with God leading the way anything is possible.

Thank You My Love for opening my eyes once more to one of Your Own Beloved, Your Queen, who so desperately wants to show us the Way, Your Way, Yahweh.

Our new prayer

I am sure you have heard this prayer, and have maybe said it yourself or with your children at night.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
Angels watch me through the night
And wake me with the morning light

I grew up saying it with my sisters and started saying it with my children awhile ago, but recently we changed the words and I LOVE IT.  Now it more closely embodies my prayer for my girls.

I pray that their way home is straight and always lit with a light from above.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
Please cleanse my eyes all through the night
So I may follow Your angel’s light

Cleansing

Sometimes when I am working out I like to pray to be a straw that is full of holes so that anything good poured into me from above will not be held within me, but instead will flow through all of my holes surrounding everyone I encounter or see with His Grace.

As you know I have been going to the gym pretty regularly for the last 5 months trying to get back in shape. Over the last few weeks I have started really focusing on trying to improve  my diet and have started reading about body cleansing. I read an interesting article a few weeks ago that discussed the benefits of sitting in a sauna after a workout and how this can help cleanse many toxins from your body. After reading this I started sitting in the sauna of my gym for a few min at least once a week.

Today while I was sitting in the sauna following my workout, it hit me! As I watched the sweat drip down my arms, I realized I am already full of holes… my body is covered in tiny pores.  I am a straw full of holes… we all are!

I think now I need to focus on cleaning out my own physical and spiritual gunk so that someday the clogs will be cleared and everything that pours forth will be clean and full of His Glory.

I am cleaning out my friends… please pray for me!

The Lord is God

My husband and I went to Ethiopia about 10 years ago with Habitat for Humanity.  We were there for three weeks and we helped begin 8 houses in Jimma.  By the end of our stay the foundations had been dug and laid, and the walls of each home were about waist high.

We went because we wanted to help, but was the primary objective really for us to come and help carry bricks or did I miss a deeper lesson?

Looking back I am a little sad to see how much I failed to really see during our visit, but I am thankful for my memory which isn’t always the best, but usually holds onto the things that don’t seem important at the time, but later prove to be quite relevant and important.

The other day one of our Ethiopian Habitat leaders came to mind, Elias.  I haven’t thought about him in a long time, but I was so happy to remember him. Thinking of him made me smile!

He was with us throughout our entire stay in Ethiopia.  He met our group in Addis Ababa, traveled with us to Jimma, worked along side our group everyday and then saw us all the way back to the international airport in Addis Ababa at the end of our visit.

He was a quiet and thoughtful man.  He was born and raised in Ethiopia and had the opportunity to study engineering abroad.  After his studies he returned home.  I remember he told us how he loved Harrison Ford movies and I remember him eating traditional Ethiopian food at every meal, even at breakfast.  I am not sure why this surprised me at the time considering that we were in Ethiopia, but for some reason it did and every morning I was shocked once again to see him eating injera with wat for breakfast.

Most of all though, I remember watching him bow his head and pray before every meal.  I noticed it and I registered it enough to remember, but the beauty of his gratitude didn’t truly touch me at the time.  I can’t even recall if I had the consideration to bow my head and give him a moment of silence at each meal… I hope that I did, but I can’t say for cetain.

The name Elias means The Lord is God.  I think my friend’s name was well chosen and for the short time I spent with him, he truly lived it’s meaning every day.

I pray for a heart full of gratitude like my friend Elias, and I am so thankful that 10 years later, his message of thanksgiving and love for our Lord, God, is finally getting through to me.