Tag Archives: pain

High on a hill

I saw a man high on a hill.  As I climbed the hill trying to reach him, the terrain became steep.  I called out to him asking for help.  He didn’t move and I realized he could not hear.  I waved my arms trying to get his attention and then realized he could not see.

Oh the irony and the great sorrow, that I have ears to hear and eyes to see my endless failures and flaws that keep me from ever reaching that beautiful summit, and his ears do not hear and his eyes do not see to let him realize that he has reached that beautiful summit.

Oh my sweet Lord, the thought of this is frightening and painful… please open our eyes to see and our ears to hear.

Tonight as He bleeds…

On this night our Lord will pray in the garden of Gethsemane, suffering in agony as He prays to the point of sweating blood.

What was flashing through His mind in those moments?  What caused Him such great emotional pain  that He physically sweat blood?

Maybe as He knelt there praying, life flashed before His eyes, but instead of seeing His own life, He saw all of our lives flash before His eyes. Our lives became His as He lived each of our lives in His mind, in those moments.  He saw every sin each of us has ever committed as His own sin.

He watched Himself committing these grievous, selfish, terrible and sinful acts. God, His Father, watched Him committing these grievous, selfish, terrible, and sinful acts.

He literally, physically, emotionally, and mentally bore our sins, and yes, I believe watching Himself commit our sins made Him sweat blood.

He Himself bore our sins… – Peter 2:24

Oh my Jesus…  please forgive us, thank You, please forgive us, thank You, please forgive us, thank You, thank You, thank You…

Come Thou fount of every blessing!

I love this song!  It has been a favorite of mine for a long time.  I even composed a very sad version of it on the piano once while visiting my sister.  She is so sweet, she saved it and every time I visit I can find it tucked safely away in her piano bench.

This song came on while I was running today and it hit me… every thing is a blessing, the good, the bad, the confusing, the hurtful, the funny… EVERY THING.  His fountain is always pouring down on us and it is all good!  There are so many times when we don’t understand or believe that it is good and even times when saying something is good will bring anger, frustration and hatred from others, but His ways are mysterious and His plan is big and every move He makes is made with one thing in mind… bringing all of us home!

Whoever coined the phrase, “S’all good”, knew what they were talking about!

S’all good my friends.  Have faith through your tears, believe through your pain, and say Thank You for EVERY THING!

Thank You My Love for keeping Your focus on bringing us home, despite our tears.

A deeper love

Last weekend I headed out to an overgrown portion of our yard with a saw in hand and planned to trim a few low hanging branches and cut down a few weeds that were becoming full grown trees.  As I started pushing branches out of the way and worked my way back to the fence I came across some dead branches/vines covered in 1-1.5 inch thorns.  I quickly recruited my sweet husband to spend the next 30 min braving the thorns while digging out this plant.  Unfortunately we did suffer a few pricks during the process and they really hurt!

The thorns and the pricks made me think of Jesus.  It reminded me of His crown of thorns and I tried to imagine these thorns pressing into my head… I couldn’t.

Thinking of this made me wonder why we have elevate the rose to such a high symbol of love when it too is covered in these merciless thorns which pressed into the vulnerable and precious head of our Savior and Lord.

Could it be that the young men of the past longed to present their dear ones with not only a beautiful, soft, sweet smelling flower, but also a flower that required them to brave the thorns before it could be obtained in order to deepen the love they were showing their sweetheart through the gift of the rose?

The soldiers could have mocked Jesus with a crown of twigs, but God placed a bush with thorns nearby to allow Jesus to show us yet another level, an even deeper level of His piercing love for us through His crown of thorns.

Jesus thank You for Your deep love that I don’t understand and cannot fathom.  You call to me, You wake me from my sleep and You long to be with me regardless of my disregard.  Please inspire me to long for You as You long for me, my Love.

Praying for Judas…

I love the song The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman.

When I first heard this song about a year ago I thought of Judas Iscariot.  I thought of the love he must have felt for Jesus when he first met Him.  I thought of how fervently he wanted to follow Him, to be good and to care for and help the poor.  I thought of the dreams he must have had for himself as a follower, a disciple and a friend of Jesus.  He possibly imagined that God was shaping him into a perfect piece of art that would be displayed for all to see.  Then I imagined his pain, his sorrow, his despair and possibly the numbness he felt when he realized that God’s plan was not for him to be displayed as a perfect piece of art, but instead God’s plan was for him to betray Jesus, betray the blood of a guiltless man.  When I thought of this I cried and cried and cried for this man whom it would have been better for if he had not been born (Matthew 26:24).

Tonight I saw that a friend had taken the quiz, Which one of Jesus’s disciples are you? so I decided to take it too.  Guess which disciple I am?  Judas Iscariot.

WOW… I was shocked and so sad that this computer quiz calculated that if I had been there 2000 years ago and been blessed beyond measure to be chosen by Him as one of His 12 disciples, I would have been His betrayer.  I would not have been sleeping in the garden as He prayed, but instead would have been wide awake leading those blind with hatred and envy to Him, my Love.  It would have been me…

Ever since empathizing with Judas Iscariot through Bebo Norman’s song, I have prayed that Judas Iscariot only found the courage and strength to betray Jesus purely out of obedience to Jesus and faith in Jesus.  I still pray for this to be true, and my hope lies in the fact that so many things are upside down and turned around from what they seem, our treasure lies not in the bank but in our love, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, the veil is still drawn, the truth is still hidden, but someday all will be revealed… and until then I am praying for Judas.

He’s My Son!

I recently heard this song for the first time, He’s My Son by Mark Schultz.  I didn’t listen to all of the words the first few times.  I only paid attention to the words of the refrain, “He’s My Son”.  Each time I heard it I thought how beautiful it was that someone had written a song from God’s point of view leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus.

I finally listened to the words of the whole song and realized that it was written from the point of view of a father with a sick child crying out to God for help.  It is a beautiful song, but each time I hear it I always imagine how God must have cried out to us in the hours leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion.

Can you hear Me?
Can you see Him?
Please don’t leave Him.
He is not just anyone, He is My Son!

Friday I heard this beautiful song again. A strong desire came into my heart to write a version giving us a tiny glimpse of the painful cries our Holy Father made into our deaf ears as He went through the suffering of watching His Son die.

He’s My Son by Mark Schultz
(original lyrics)

The re-written Lyrics are in bold below.  Please see the link above for all of the original lyrics by Mark Schultz.

Looking down from on high tonight,
Dreading the moment He sets things right.
See He is a boy that needs your love.
I’ve done all that I can do from above.
He now knows His fate,
To shoulder your sin and hate
Tonight as He prays,
He asks, how to show you the way.
And He tries
Not to cry
As the tears fill His eyes.

Can You hear Me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can you see Him?
Can you pray for Him this night?
If You can hear Me
Please send Him all your love.
See, He’s not just anyone, He’s My Son.

Every night I watch Him sleep,
Amazed at the man He’s grown to be
I send Him strength and see Him through.
Open your eyes, oh how He loves you!
He will never grow old,
Yet lives life without fear
What would you be
If He’d never come here?
His time grows near,
He prays for you,
Let Him know that you’re there.

Can you hear Me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can you see Him?
Can you pray for Him this night?
If you can hear Me
Please send Him all your love.
See, He’s not just anyone, He’s My Son.

Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see Him?
Can you pray for Him this night?
If You can hear me
Please send Him all your love.
See, He’s not just anyone.

Can you hear Me?
Can you see Him?
Please don’t leave Him,
He’s My Son.
_________

Thank you Mark Schultz for this beautiful song that has opened my eyes just a little bit more!

Grace in disguise?

It was a dark and stormy evening.  A young man who had recently received his license was on his way home from picking someone up.  As he approached a red light, he pumped the brakes, they locked and the car continued right through the light.

There was a collision, people were hurt, a young child in another car was killed.

The young man driving was my grandfather.

I know he thought of this child often.  I know he carried the pain of having caused the death of this child for the rest of his life. As I think back to discussions and time I spent with my grandfather, I can remember the painful expression I would see cross his face if we ever heard about or discussed any type of car accident.  I remember seeing him wince as if he was physically in pain when we discussed a news article about all of the fatal car accidents caused by faulty tires back in 2000.

I think this moment drove him to spend the rest of his life seeking to empathize with those who had recently lost a loved one in death through his work as a funeral director. He sought to feel their pain, he hoped to feel what the family of that young child felt, and he searched for forgiveness by easing the pain of others as they faced the death of a loved one.

I now wonder if God graced my grandfather with an end to his search just before he died?

My young cousin, his granddaughter, was killed in a car accident on a dark and stormy evening about a year before my grandfather died. After his years of searching and empathizing with others, he finally felt what it was like for the family of that young child who had died so many years ago. He finally felt what it was like to look into the face of the mother of that child as he looked into the face of his own daughter as she wept for her child.

My sweet young cousin was the only one who was ready to go home.  Maybe her death was a gift of grace to our grandfather?

God thank you for loving both of them so much!

Dream a little dream with me…

Today I have been thinking about our sweet Jesus and all of the pain and suffering He will go through for me, for you, for all of us.  I am so sad.

I keep thinking of Simon the Cyrene helping Him to carry His cross and Veronica leaning in to wipe His face.  I want others to be there for Him, for our sweet Jesus, during His pain, during His agony.  I have so many friends who love Him so much.

I want to a dream a little dream today.  I want to dream that my sweet friends are there with Jesus.  I want to imagine all of you quietly standing up and taking up His cross so that Simon’s hands are free to carry our Lord.  I want to imagine you sprinkled through the crowd and quietly leaning in as He passes to wipe His face, kiss His wounds, and gently care for Him.

We cannot change what happened, it had to happen, the scriptures had to be fulfilled.   Maybe we can dream a little dream to ease His pain, ease His suffering, and send Him our timeless love.

Thank you my friends for helping me to find our sweet Jesus.  Please love Him today, please care for Him today, and I pray with all of my heart that you have the honor of being with Him today in our dreams.