Tag Archives: selfish

Sometimes we have to crawl under…

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I have been thinking a lot about the walls we all build around ourselves and our hearts.  We build walls for all kinds of reasons, for protection, to hide, to exclude others, but I think most of these reasons boil down to fear – we build walls because we are afraid.

It is interesting when you come up against someones wall, it usually appears to be quite strong, tall and unable to be breached, but I think most of these walls are not set on firm foundations. They are built quickly out of fear and as times passes openings appear at the bottom.  These openings are small and initially hidden, but are easily spotted by those near the ground. They are the perfect size for a sly serpent to crawl under and continue feeding the fears, or for a humble heart to crawl under and dispel the fears with the light of truth that shines forth from humble heart.

This is not new information, but oh how important it is – we should revisit it often and remember to humble ourselves.

Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.

Let them be holy

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I started praying a new prayer for my girls a few months ago.

Dear Lord, please let them be holy.  Protect them from my sins, vices and falls and guide them home with Your Holy Light keeping them pure and white and making them holy.

Guess what, since beginning this prayer He is changing me again! I have fallen in love with Our Blessed Mother, Saint Mary.  I was drawn to a book about her and now I long to pray to her, I look to her as a guide, a mentor and as the perfect example of mothering.

I didn’t tie these two events together at first, but as I think more about it I believe they are connected.  How could I, a person loaded down with baggage filled with selfishness, greed, unkindness, and sin ever hope to raise children who are holy?!?!  Alone in my greed, selfishness, and ever growing pile of wrong doings, it would not be possible, but with God leading the way anything is possible.

Thank You My Love for opening my eyes once more to one of Your Own Beloved, Your Queen, who so desperately wants to show us the Way, Your Way, Yahweh.

Who would you remember?

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Imagine that you work for the post office manually sorting the mail.  I am sure that you would see thousands of letters come through every day.  Do you think that you would remember anyone specific?

I have been thinking about it and I think there are probably three types of people that would stand out among the rest of the mail.

1.  The first person I would remember would be the sick child in town who receives hundreds of letters each week.  After seeing so many letters go through my post office for this child I would probably want to meet him or her to find out how someone so young had already touched so many lives.

2.  The second person I would remember would be the person in town who sends hundreds of letters each week to their fellow townspeople, their neighbors.  After seeing so many letters go through my post office from this person I would probably want to meet them as well and find out where he or she finds the time to touch so many lives.

3.  Finally the third I would remember would be the person who sends hundreds of letters to themselves.  It might cross my mind that this person needs help, and doesn’t really understand the purpose of the postal system.  I don’t think meeting this person to explain in more depth the purpose of the postal system would be useful, because clearly they understand the logistics of sending mail, but seem to be missing the depth behind the technicalities.

I think instead I might to try and arrange for #3 to accidentally meet #2 who is sending so many letters to others.  If they met by chance due to incorrect delivery of some of  #2’s hundreds of letters being delivered to #3, then maybe #2 could indirectly help #3 better understand the depth behind the logistics of the postal system.

I know there probably aren’t very many people, if any, like #3 when actually sending mail, but when praying is this the case?

If prayer is somewhat like this scenario, I hope that I will try harder to be more like our friend #2.   I want God to know me as His child who sends love out to all of my brothers and sisters, not as His child who can think of no else but myself when speaking with Him.

I know I still have a lot of work to do, but at least I think I now have the compass pointed in the right direction.

Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done

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Do you ever buy a lottery ticket when the jackpot has become extremely large?

I do, and then for the next 24 hours until the drawing I start fantasizing about what I would do if I won.  I start divvying up the money in my mind, deciding how much I would keep, how much I would give to family, estimating how much would be lost due to taxes, estimating how much I would have to pay advisors and then, finally, the last category tagged on as an after thought is how much I might give to those in need.

Usually by the end of the 24 hours, the amount I “need” to keep has gone up and the amount I would give away has gone down.  It is pretty disgusting how quickly I get sucked into thinking/imagining/dreaming that I “need” $XXX,XXX,XXX.

Can you imagine my kingdom coming to be?  Every time I hear the song Demons by Imagine Dragons I am reminded of my inner demon and I shudder at the thought of my kingdom coming to be.

My Heavenly Father, my Lord, my Love, my sweet Jesus… all I can say is thank You, thank You, thank You, for sparing me from ever winning the lottery, and instead using each ticket purchase to open my eyes to my own demon buried deep within.

I pray to always remember and I pray to always pray…

Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done.

Our Best Life might not be comfortable…

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When I originally started this blog, I did not understand very much.  I still don’t understand a lot, but I think I am learning more about myself.

At the beginning there were times when I confused “comfortable life” with “best life”.  As I have continued on my journey this mistake is now so painfully clear that I am actually quite embarrassed to be typing this even though I wish instead of embarrassment I felt thankful for finally realizing this and humbled as I see how blessed I have been to be surrounded by so many comforts.

At the beginning of my search I kept asking questions about my cousin’s premature death…

  1. Why didn’t she get to graduate from college?
  2. Why didn’t she have a chance to fall in love?
  3. Why were we at her funeral instead of her wedding?
  4. Why did she miss out on the joy of motherhood?
  5. How could this have been her best life or part of our best life?

Then a few months ago I pondered the question of whether my cousin’s death was a gift of grace in disguise for our grandfather?

Maybe her life was a gift for our grandfather to finally find what he had been searching for his whole life?  Maybe her life was a gift for me to finally have my eyes opened, if even just a little, to see my own greed and selfishness?

I don’t know the answer to this, but if her death was our gift, then maybe she did live Our Best Life… His will!

What better life could one live than to follow so closely in the footsteps of our sweet Jesus, Who was sacrificed for all of us?