He makes all things new!

Since I first thought, prayed and wrote about Our Best Life, I have changed, I am different… I think I am becoming new.  I have told friends that I don’t know why this change has come about, but I am starting to realize that I  do know why… it is because of Him, and only Him.

When I first starting praying for Our Best Life, someone very close to me was going through two very difficult and life changing events.  Her suffering and pain finally opened my eyes to my own selfishness and allowed me to step outside of myself for a moment and begin thinking of and praying for others by praying for Our Best Life.

This changed my direction, but He in His infinite humility still didn’t step in until I invited Him in through a prayer to be the seed that has been sown on good soil.

He heard my prayer and came running to help me.  Regardless of how much work there is to do in me, He pushed up His sleeves and began working to make me new!  Anything kind, loving, patient, thoughtful, considerate, generous that I do is because of Him… it is NOT me!  There is still so much to be done, but He is here and my thoughts run to Him as I talk with my husband and my children, work on homework and play with my children, read, listen to music, wash dishes, fold and iron clothes, clean our home, make our dinner and even while kneeling on the floor a few weeks ago to clean up my daughters vomit.

Thank You My Love for being here with me… I do not just need You, I desire You from the depths of my heart.

Praying for Judas…

I love the song The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman.

When I first heard this song about a year ago I thought of Judas Iscariot.  I thought of the love he must have felt for Jesus when he first met Him.  I thought of how fervently he wanted to follow Him, to be good and to care for and help the poor.  I thought of the dreams he must have had for himself as a follower, a disciple and a friend of Jesus.  He possibly imagined that God was shaping him into a perfect piece of art that would be displayed for all to see.  Then I imagined his pain, his sorrow, his despair and possibly the numbness he felt when he realized that God’s plan was not for him to be displayed as a perfect piece of art, but instead God’s plan was for him to betray Jesus, betray the blood of a guiltless man.  When I thought of this I cried and cried and cried for this man whom it would have been better for if he had not been born (Matthew 26:24).

Tonight I saw that a friend had taken the quiz, Which one of Jesus’s disciples are you? so I decided to take it too.  Guess which disciple I am?  Judas Iscariot.

WOW… I was shocked and so sad that this computer quiz calculated that if I had been there 2000 years ago and been blessed beyond measure to be chosen by Him as one of His 12 disciples, I would have been His betrayer.  I would not have been sleeping in the garden as He prayed, but instead would have been wide awake leading those blind with hatred and envy to Him, my Love.  It would have been me…

Ever since empathizing with Judas Iscariot through Bebo Norman’s song, I have prayed that Judas Iscariot only found the courage and strength to betray Jesus purely out of obedience to Jesus and faith in Jesus.  I still pray for this to be true, and my hope lies in the fact that so many things are upside down and turned around from what they seem, our treasure lies not in the bank but in our love, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, the veil is still drawn, the truth is still hidden, but someday all will be revealed… and until then I am praying for Judas.

Please hide my love from me…

When I do something kind or loving for someone else, I love to remember it.  Remembering it makes me smile and feel so wonderful inside for the kindness I have shown to someone else or the love that I have spread.

On the other hand when I do something selfish, unkind or out of anger to another, I hate to remember it.  The memory brings me sorrow, guilt and most of all pain.

I just finished reading The Book of my Life by Saint Teresa of Avila translated by Mirabai Starr. At one point in this book, St Teresa describes God as an unimaginably clear, fully transparent, beautiful, multifaceted diamond.  After this description, St. Teresa talks about the pain and sorrow we will feel someday as we stand before this diamond and see our true self clearly witnessing not only our good actions, but also seeing our own selfishness, greed, anger, hatred, and envy reflected back and clouding the clarity, smudging the beauty of this diamond.

I love St. Teresa’s description and I can’t help but think of what Jesus said in Matthew 6:1-4

Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.  So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

Jesus please silence the trumpet that I sound within my heart when I spread love or perform a small act of kindness.  Instead please hide my love from me and help me to clearly remember the painful moments of my unkindness, selfishness, and greed.

Then maybe someday if I ever do kneel before Your unimaginably beautiful diamond, I will not be shocked to painfully witness again my moments of failure, but instead might be joyfully surprised to see that I did spread a little love and perform a few small acts of kindness in Your Name, My Sweet Love.

We thirst…

I enjoy being a friendly person, waving to people as I drive by, saying hello to strangers and smiling at almost anyone.

A few months ago I said hello to someone as I was walking into the store and he was so pleased that he stopped to introduce himself and tell me where he was from since he had recently moved to this city.  About five minutes later in the store he found me in the soup aisle to ask if I was married.  Yes I am… Awkward!!!

A few weeks later as I was leaving the gym a nice guy held the door for me so as we were crossing into the parking lot I asked if he had a good workout.  He said, “It was fine… just like you’re looking, what are you doing here?”  Umm… thanks?… Awkward!!!

Once more, I was working out one day on a machine.  I get pretty pumped up while I am working out and I generally wave, smile or give a thumbs up to anyone I see walk by.  Well I waved at one guy who did a double take and then later found me while I was lifting weights and said, “I saw you wave at me earlier… I hope your husband isn’t here.”  Awkward!!!  I quickly explained that my husband doesn’t mind when I am friendly to others and he quickly bolted away from me… AWKWARD!!!

Now please don’t assume that I am only friendly to men, I am just as friendly if not more friendly to women, but women don’t usually misunderstand my friendliness as an advance or attraction.

Why is a genuine hello or taking a small interest in someone’s activity or a friendly wave being misunderstood as a romantic advance?

I just recently started a new book, Mother Teresa’s Secret Fire by Joseph Langford. Within the first few pages I read one of Mother Teresa’s quotes that brought all of these instances quickly flooding back into my memory.

Mother Teresa said, “In the west there is not only hunger for food.  I see a big hunger for love.  That is the greatest hunger, to be loved.”

Mother Teresa understood both sides of this hunger or this thirst and placed Jesus’ words, I thirst (John 19:28), on the walls of her chapels around the world.

Oh… how we are all craving, thirsting for love and not finding it because we are looking in the wrong places.  Lord please open our eyes to see that You alone can quench our thirst for love, and through coming to You we can quench Your thirst, Your desire for us to come home to You!

Eat, drink and… be Mary!

This is the time of year when we are celebrating, we are throwing parties, we are attending parties and we are being “MERRY”!

A few years ago we threw a Christmas party and our invitation read, “Come, eat, drink and be merry!”  I was thinking about this today because we wanted to throw a party this year, but I didn’t get around to planning it.  When I thought about the invitation we sent a few years ago, I paused on the phrase “be merry”, in my head I changed it to, “be Mary”.

Did “be merry” originate from “be Mary”?

Rather than research the actual origins of this phrase, tonight I would rather come up with my own story!

Maybe years ago when friends were toasting and celebrating together during the Christmas season, they really did use the phrase, “Eat, drink and be Mary!”, with the intention and the prayer that they themselves as well as their friends would live as Mary did, full of faith in God and consumed with love for Jesus!

I pray during this Christmas season and the year to come, that we will all “be Mary”, living like Mary full of faith in God and consumed with love for Jesus!

Be Mary, my friends, be Mary!

The Festival of Lights!

My new sister-in-law is coming to celebrate Thanksgiving with us.  I spoke with her the other night to talk about the menu that weekend and at the end of the conversation she told me that Hanukkah begins the Wednesday before Thanksgiving this year.  She said she has never celebrated Hanukkah without a menorah and wondered if it would be okay for her to bring it.

A few years ago I would have said yes, but I would have completely missed out on the excitement and joy of this experience.

Jesus was Jewish!  He celebrated the Festival of Lights every year of His short life.  Can you imagine celebrating the Festival of Lights with the Light of the World standing by your side?

Just thinking about it… takes. my. breath. away.

I am so thankful to have my eyes open enough at the moment to see what a blessing it will be to celebrate the Festival of Lights in our home with my sweet new sister.

Thank You my Light, my Love, my sweet Jesus!

One moment at a time…

The other morning I fell yet again.

It was the one day of the month when parents can walk their children to their classrooms, see their artwork and help them unpack and get ready for their school day.

The girls were eating slow, laughing a lot and having a ball at breakfast.  I interrupted their little party to tell them them to hurry up.  It didn’t phase them, they kept enjoying their breakfast and each others company.  I rushed them again and again they continued to slowly enjoy their breakfast and their sweet little jokes.  Then I continued complaining about the fact that we were leaving 10 min later than I wanted to leave while brushing their teeth, getting their socks on and urging them into their shoes.  At one point I asked my youngest to please put her shoes on and she started laughing at me and told me that I had already put them on for her.

When we finally arrived at school, I realized that we had forgotten their folders.  My sweet oldest was finally upset.  She is so studious and organized and was very upset about coming to school without her folder.  I felt so bad, but even in the midst of my guilt I didn’t say the right thing.

After getting them to their rooms, I ran home to get their folders.  I then waited at the office while my oldest came to pick up her folder and I finally apologized for being so impatient earlier that morning.

As we hugged she whispered “I forgive you” into my ear.

I think I have finally realized that God did not make me the mother of these three sweet little blessings because of anything I have done, but instead because how strong they are to withstand all of my mistakes and because of everything I still have to learn about patience, goodness, forgiveness and love from them.

God thank You for Your forgiveness every time I fall and thank You for these three blessings in my life who so willingly forgive me as You do!

Please continue to open my eyes to all of their wonderful teachings and keep reminding me to slow down and take everything one moment at a time!

Look for the little flowers!

This morning I saw a man stop and offer help to an older woman who was pushing her own wheel chair across a parking lot.  It was a lovely scene, quiet and small and probably not noticed by many.  I love seeing these small and beautiful moments of kindness and goodness in the world.  They remind me that God’s tapestry is full of small and beautiful pictures that we can see even now.  I like to think of these small moments of goodness as the little flowers decorating the trim of His tapestry.

I think His tapestry is also full of large scenes of which we only have the ability to see small portions.  When we focus on the small parts of the large scenes, we might see what we perceive to be evil.  We might notice the drops of blood, a weapon, a betrayal, a death and if we don’t have faith to trust that these things are necessary parts leading up to the overall goodness of God’s scene, His plan, His beautiful tapestry, then we lose hope in the goodness of God and His ability to use any and every action of ours to finalize His beautiful and good plan.

I know it is very cliche to say, but I must repeat what so many others have said before me.

Jesus please help us to focus on the small things, help us to seek out the little nuggets of golden goodness You have sprinkled throughout everyday, and when something bad happens help us to remember that our faith is being tested, and that we must believe in You and have faith in You and Your ability to turn anything all around and upside down.

Grace in disguise?

It was a dark and stormy evening.  A young man who had recently received his license was on his way home from picking someone up.  As he approached a red light, he pumped the brakes, they locked and the car continued right through the light.

There was a collision, people were hurt, a young child in another car was killed.

The young man driving was my grandfather.

I know he thought of this child often.  I know he carried the pain of having caused the death of this child for the rest of his life. As I think back to discussions and time I spent with my grandfather, I can remember the painful expression I would see cross his face if we ever heard about or discussed any type of car accident.  I remember seeing him wince as if he was physically in pain when we discussed a news article about all of the fatal car accidents caused by faulty tires back in 2000.

I think this moment drove him to spend the rest of his life seeking to empathize with those who had recently lost a loved one in death through his work as a funeral director. He sought to feel their pain, he hoped to feel what the family of that young child felt, and he searched for forgiveness by easing the pain of others as they faced the death of a loved one.

I now wonder if God graced my grandfather with an end to his search just before he died?

My young cousin, his granddaughter, was killed in a car accident on a dark and stormy evening about a year before my grandfather died. After his years of searching and empathizing with others, he finally felt what it was like for the family of that young child who had died so many years ago. He finally felt what it was like to look into the face of the mother of that child as he looked into the face of his own daughter as she wept for her child.

My sweet young cousin was the only one who was ready to go home.  Maybe her death was a gift of grace to our grandfather?

God thank you for loving both of them so much!

Expand, expand, expand…

Circles are everywhere.  Our lives are filled with both figurative and physical circles.  We see them in nature, we see them in actions and re-actions and we experience them physically around tables, in meetings, and during circle time as children.

We include people when we are willing to expand our circles, but we can just as easily exclude others by refusing to expand our circle for new arrivals.

My sister wrote a blog that I loved last year, Is it a pie or a triangle?.  The conversation we had regarding this blog stands out clearly in my mind as a moment in my life when I finally started to scratch the surface in my personal understanding of Jesus and what He did for me.

Ever since this conversation, I have thought of God as a large circle that we are all held within.  I then picture all of us as small circles within the God’s large circle.  Some of our circles are bigger and some of our circles are smaller and some of them overlap.  The bigger ones represent those who have accepted or included more people, and the smaller ones have accepted or included fewer people.

I don’t think heaven or paradise is possible without everyone and unfortunately we are the ones imposing limitations and building walls within God’s beautiful, all-inclusive circle by excluding others.

Pray for everyone, try to empathize with everyone…
Empathy will lead to forgiveness, and forgiveness will lead to love.

OUR best life doesn’t work unless everyone is included!

I pray and dream for OUR best life for everyone, everyday!  I hope you do too… together we can expand our circles!