Tag Archives: christ

Affordable comforts?

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Yesterday while I was shopping, I noticed that the price of the lunchmeat I buy had changed again.  It has bounced around quite a bit over the last few months.  Last year I could purchase a package for $2.50 and then a few months ago the price jumped up to $3.20 and since then I have watched as the price has slowly come back down.  Today it was priced at $2.89.  I was pretty happy when I first saw the new and lower price, but as I continued shopping and pushing my overflowing cart past other carts that had 2, 5 or maybe 10 items I started thinking a little more about the drop in the price of the lunchmeat.

I started wondering about my fellow shoppers who have had to pass up the purchase of this lunchmeat for the last few months because of the high price.  These are the people who have had to go without in order to bring back the lower price.  I am sure that they go without more than just lunchmeat, and their sacrifices make my comforts affordable.

Their sacrifices make my comforts affordable.

  • Are these comforts really affordable when they are gained through the sacrifice of others?
  • Is our daily surplus even ours when it is gained through the sacrifice of others?

This is the supply and demand economics of the world economy that we have built and yesterday in the grocery as I watched an empty cart go by it felt backwards, if felt upside down, it felt turned around and it felt wrong.

Lord please help me remember the backs of others that I am standing on the next time I go to the grocery and come out with a little extra in my pocket.  Please inspire Your generosity within my heart, help me to give with Your open hands and help me to remember that no comfort is truly affordable when it is gained through the sacrifice of another.

Remember our true home!

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I am not usually a cynic, but today after spending too much at the grocery I arrived home, checked the mail and found a magazine that had a picture of probably a $5 million dollar home on the front with the article titled, “Love your home!”, and I thought to myself… seriously?  Do the people writing and publishing this magazine really believe that looking at photos of this outrageously extravagant house will help me and others love our homes?  Seriously… do they really believe this?

I took the magazine straight to the recycling box, because I certainly know that looking at it would not help me to love my home, but I have been wondering why it bothered me so much today.  Most days this wouldn’t phase me or bother me, but it did today.

Maybe my annoyance with this magazine is because, as scary as it is to say or to type, in a way it reminds me of my own expensive home, of my own excess, of my own greed, and of my own issues with envy?  Maybe for a moment I forgot about my true home?

Lord please be with me and remove envy from my heart and replace it with Your generosity and gratitude because I long to always love the home You have given to me while I am here, but most of all I long to always remember that You are my true home.

Please help me, I can’t do it without You, my Love.

He makes all things new!

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Since I first thought, prayed and wrote about Our Best Life, I have changed, I am different… I think I am becoming new.  I have told friends that I don’t know why this change has come about, but I am starting to realize that I  do know why… it is because of Him, and only Him.

When I first starting praying for Our Best Life, someone very close to me was going through two very difficult and life changing events.  Her suffering and pain finally opened my eyes to my own selfishness and allowed me to step outside of myself for a moment and begin thinking of and praying for others by praying for Our Best Life.

This changed my direction, but He in His infinite humility still didn’t step in until I invited Him in through a prayer to be the seed that has been sown on good soil.

He heard my prayer and came running to help me.  Regardless of how much work there is to do in me, He pushed up His sleeves and began working to make me new!  Anything kind, loving, patient, thoughtful, considerate, generous that I do is because of Him… it is NOT me!  There is still so much to be done, but He is here and my thoughts run to Him as I talk with my husband and my children, work on homework and play with my children, read, listen to music, wash dishes, fold and iron clothes, clean our home, make our dinner and even while kneeling on the floor a few weeks ago to clean up my daughters vomit.

Thank You My Love for being here with me… I do not just need You, I desire You from the depths of my heart.

Regrets…

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Some believe that Jesus told Judas Iscariot to betray him.

In the Gospel of Judas, Jesus said, “But you will exceed all of them.  For you will sacrifice the man that clothes me.”

If this is the case, then Judas acted out of obedience and faith in Jesus and he was given the strength to follow through with Jesus’ request.  Imagine for a moment being Judas once things had been set in motion and he was outside the loving gaze and light of Jesus.  Imagine the torture and suffering he put himself through questioning his actions, wondering if he had acted within the will of God or made a mistake.  Imagine the tortured thoughts he experienced as he second guessed his actions under the criticism and hatred of those who had once called him brother, his fellow disciples.

It is so hard to keep our hearts and our heads clear and open to God’s message, and then once we are bogged down with fear of a mistake or acting selfishly rather than within His will, we pull yet further away from Him and our faith is so quickly drained from us.

I think it is in these moments of fear that we have to breath deep, and know our faith is being tested.  The moment our faith begins draining from us, is moment that we must hold tight to it and thank God for our current suffering, questioning and lack of confidence in our actions or words.  We must continue to reflect even more on His perfect plan and remember that sometimes acting within His will might not be comfortable.  If we have stepped off the path, there is a lesson within each step and we must remember that He loves us so much that He will not let us stray far before He begins nudging us back on track.

I said something a few days ago that I so deeply regret, that I can now actually appreciate why some people take a vow of silence.  I am not sure if I was on track or off track with what I said, but even through my regret I am trying very hard to be thankful for experiencing these feelings of regret, for the increase in my desire to be pleasing to God (through silence if necessary) and for yet another opportunity to empathize with Judas.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for everything.

Answered Prayer!

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I was looking back through some previous blogs I have written (I think I am my biggest fan… ha ha ha), and I came across a blog I wrote in July 2012 titled Betrayer and Beloved?.

At the end of this blog I asked our sweet Jesus, “Please help me to love Judas Iscariot as you love him.”

Guess what I just realized… I have fallen in love with him.  I fell in love with him during Lent 2013, and I have been thinking of him, crying for him, praying for him and loving him ever since.

I think our sweet Jesus answered my prayer and has shown me how much he loves him by opening my heart to Judas Iscariot and helping me to fall in love with him too.

Knock and the door will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7)… ask Jesus to show you how much he loves someone you don’t understand, someone you fear, someone you dislike or might even hate and just maybe your eyes and your heart will be opened to how much Jesus loves this person and you too will begin to rise above your fear and hatred and will begin to fall in love this person too.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7), my sweet friends!

Praying for Judas…

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I love the song The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman.

When I first heard this song about a year ago I thought of Judas Iscariot.  I thought of the love he must have felt for Jesus when he first met Him.  I thought of how fervently he wanted to follow Him, to be good and to care for and help the poor.  I thought of the dreams he must have had for himself as a follower, a disciple and a friend of Jesus.  He possibly imagined that God was shaping him into a perfect piece of art that would be displayed for all to see.  Then I imagined his pain, his sorrow, his despair and possibly the numbness he felt when he realized that God’s plan was not for him to be displayed as a perfect piece of art, but instead God’s plan was for him to betray Jesus, betray the blood of a guiltless man.  When I thought of this I cried and cried and cried for this man whom it would have been better for if he had not been born (Matthew 26:24).

Tonight I saw that a friend had taken the quiz, Which one of Jesus’s disciples are you? so I decided to take it too.  Guess which disciple I am?  Judas Iscariot.

WOW… I was shocked and so sad that this computer quiz calculated that if I had been there 2000 years ago and been blessed beyond measure to be chosen by Him as one of His 12 disciples, I would have been His betrayer.  I would not have been sleeping in the garden as He prayed, but instead would have been wide awake leading those blind with hatred and envy to Him, my Love.  It would have been me…

Ever since empathizing with Judas Iscariot through Bebo Norman’s song, I have prayed that Judas Iscariot only found the courage and strength to betray Jesus purely out of obedience to Jesus and faith in Jesus.  I still pray for this to be true, and my hope lies in the fact that so many things are upside down and turned around from what they seem, our treasure lies not in the bank but in our love, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, the veil is still drawn, the truth is still hidden, but someday all will be revealed… and until then I am praying for Judas.

Please hide my love from me…

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When I do something kind or loving for someone else, I love to remember it.  Remembering it makes me smile and feel so wonderful inside for the kindness I have shown to someone else or the love that I have spread.

On the other hand when I do something selfish, unkind or out of anger to another, I hate to remember it.  The memory brings me sorrow, guilt and most of all pain.

I just finished reading The Book of my Life by Saint Teresa of Avila translated by Mirabai Starr. At one point in this book, St Teresa describes God as an unimaginably clear, fully transparent, beautiful, multifaceted diamond.  After this description, St. Teresa talks about the pain and sorrow we will feel someday as we stand before this diamond and see our true self clearly witnessing not only our good actions, but also seeing our own selfishness, greed, anger, hatred, and envy reflected back and clouding the clarity, smudging the beauty of this diamond.

I love St. Teresa’s description and I can’t help but think of what Jesus said in Matthew 6:1-4

Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.  So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

Jesus please silence the trumpet that I sound within my heart when I spread love or perform a small act of kindness.  Instead please hide my love from me and help me to clearly remember the painful moments of my unkindness, selfishness, and greed.

Then maybe someday if I ever do kneel before Your unimaginably beautiful diamond, I will not be shocked to painfully witness again my moments of failure, but instead might be joyfully surprised to see that I did spread a little love and perform a few small acts of kindness in Your Name, My Sweet Love.

Cleansing

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Sometimes when I am working out I like to pray to be a straw that is full of holes so that anything good poured into me from above will not be held within me, but instead will flow through all of my holes surrounding everyone I encounter or see with His Grace.

As you know I have been going to the gym pretty regularly for the last 5 months trying to get back in shape. Over the last few weeks I have started really focusing on trying to improve  my diet and have started reading about body cleansing. I read an interesting article a few weeks ago that discussed the benefits of sitting in a sauna after a workout and how this can help cleanse many toxins from your body. After reading this I started sitting in the sauna of my gym for a few min at least once a week.

Today while I was sitting in the sauna following my workout, it hit me! As I watched the sweat drip down my arms, I realized I am already full of holes… my body is covered in tiny pores.  I am a straw full of holes… we all are!

I think now I need to focus on cleaning out my own physical and spiritual gunk so that someday the clogs will be cleared and everything that pours forth will be clean and full of His Glory.

I am cleaning out my friends… please pray for me!

We thirst…

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I enjoy being a friendly person, waving to people as I drive by, saying hello to strangers and smiling at almost anyone.

A few months ago I said hello to someone as I was walking into the store and he was so pleased that he stopped to introduce himself and tell me where he was from since he had recently moved to this city.  About five minutes later in the store he found me in the soup aisle to ask if I was married.  Yes I am… Awkward!!!

A few weeks later as I was leaving the gym a nice guy held the door for me so as we were crossing into the parking lot I asked if he had a good workout.  He said, “It was fine… just like you’re looking, what are you doing here?”  Umm… thanks?… Awkward!!!

Once more, I was working out one day on a machine.  I get pretty pumped up while I am working out and I generally wave, smile or give a thumbs up to anyone I see walk by.  Well I waved at one guy who did a double take and then later found me while I was lifting weights and said, “I saw you wave at me earlier… I hope your husband isn’t here.”  Awkward!!!  I quickly explained that my husband doesn’t mind when I am friendly to others and he quickly bolted away from me… AWKWARD!!!

Now please don’t assume that I am only friendly to men, I am just as friendly if not more friendly to women, but women don’t usually misunderstand my friendliness as an advance or attraction.

Why is a genuine hello or taking a small interest in someone’s activity or a friendly wave being misunderstood as a romantic advance?

I just recently started a new book, Mother Teresa’s Secret Fire by Joseph Langford. Within the first few pages I read one of Mother Teresa’s quotes that brought all of these instances quickly flooding back into my memory.

Mother Teresa said, “In the west there is not only hunger for food.  I see a big hunger for love.  That is the greatest hunger, to be loved.”

Mother Teresa understood both sides of this hunger or this thirst and placed Jesus’ words, I thirst (John 19:28), on the walls of her chapels around the world.

Oh… how we are all craving, thirsting for love and not finding it because we are looking in the wrong places.  Lord please open our eyes to see that You alone can quench our thirst for love, and through coming to You we can quench Your thirst, Your desire for us to come home to You!

The Lord is God

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My husband and I went to Ethiopia about 10 years ago with Habitat for Humanity.  We were there for three weeks and we helped begin 8 houses in Jimma.  By the end of our stay the foundations had been dug and laid, and the walls of each home were about waist high.

We went because we wanted to help, but was the primary objective really for us to come and help carry bricks or did I miss a deeper lesson?

Looking back I am a little sad to see how much I failed to really see during our visit, but I am thankful for my memory which isn’t always the best, but usually holds onto the things that don’t seem important at the time, but later prove to be quite relevant and important.

The other day one of our Ethiopian Habitat leaders came to mind, Elias.  I haven’t thought about him in a long time, but I was so happy to remember him. Thinking of him made me smile!

He was with us throughout our entire stay in Ethiopia.  He met our group in Addis Ababa, traveled with us to Jimma, worked along side our group everyday and then saw us all the way back to the international airport in Addis Ababa at the end of our visit.

He was a quiet and thoughtful man.  He was born and raised in Ethiopia and had the opportunity to study engineering abroad.  After his studies he returned home.  I remember he told us how he loved Harrison Ford movies and I remember him eating traditional Ethiopian food at every meal, even at breakfast.  I am not sure why this surprised me at the time considering that we were in Ethiopia, but for some reason it did and every morning I was shocked once again to see him eating injera with wat for breakfast.

Most of all though, I remember watching him bow his head and pray before every meal.  I noticed it and I registered it enough to remember, but the beauty of his gratitude didn’t truly touch me at the time.  I can’t even recall if I had the consideration to bow my head and give him a moment of silence at each meal… I hope that I did, but I can’t say for cetain.

The name Elias means The Lord is God.  I think my friend’s name was well chosen and for the short time I spent with him, he truly lived it’s meaning every day.

I pray for a heart full of gratitude like my friend Elias, and I am so thankful that 10 years later, his message of thanksgiving and love for our Lord, God, is finally getting through to me.